How to accept Jesus Christ as your Savior
One Line Thoughts
The early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese.
At Microsoft, quality is job 1.1b3.
Where there's a will, I want to be in it.
OK, who stopped payment on my reality check?
Few women admit their age; fewer men act it.
I don't suffer from insanity; I enjoy every minute of it.
Hard work has a future payoff. Laziness pays off NOW.
Time is the best teacher; unfortunately it kills all of its students.
Pride is what we have. Vanity is what others have.
Warning: Dates in Calendar are closer than they appear.
Give me ambiguity or give me something else.
We are born naked, wet, and hungry. Then things get worse.
Always remember you are unique, just like everyone else.
Very funny Scotty, now beam down my clothes.
Consciousness: That annoying time between naps.
Be nice to your kids. They'll choose your nursing home.
There are 3 kinds of people: those who can count & those who can't.
Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm.
Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!
Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines.
I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week.
I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met.
I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol.
I love defenseless animals, especially in good gravy.
If you aren't making waves, you aren't kicking hard enough!
Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty and Illegal In 37 States.
Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of.
Televangelists: The Pro Wrestlers of religion.
The only substitute for good manners is fast reflexes.
When everything's coming your way, you're in the wrong lane.
Ambition is a poor excuse for not having enough sense to be lazy.
If I worked as much as others, I would do as little as they do.
If everything seems to be going well, you have obviously overlooked something.
Many people quit looking for work when they find a job.
When I'm not in my right mind, my left mind gets pretty crowded.
Everyone has a photographic memory. Some don't have film.
I intend to live forever - so far, so good.
Boycott shampoo! Demand the REAL poo!
Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
I poured Spot remover on my dog. Now he's gone.
I used to have an open mind but my brains kept falling out.
I couldn't repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.
Shin: a device for finding furniture in the dark.
Laughing stock: cattle with a sense of humor.
For Sale: Parachute. Only used once, never opened, small stain.
Corduroy pillows: They're making headlines!
The older you get, the better you realize you were.
I doubt, therefore I might be.
Age is a very high price to pay for maturity.
Procrastination is the art of keeping up with yesterday.
Women like silent men, they think they're listening.